There are secrets we keep for other people, the little ones they feel slightly ashamed of and share with us but don’t want others to know. And there are secrets of our own we hold in our hearts only to be let out when we feel safe enough to share it.
And I’ve discovered there are also secrets so powerful that we hide them in a darkness beyond our own perception. They can eat away at our peace and wellbeing for decades if we maintain status quo and do nothing to excavate those deep caverns.
I’ve been doing some excavation recently, hoping to restore my emotional literacy and freedom to express a broader range of feelings. It’s not for the faint of heart! It’s been a lonely and difficult process for me.
I’ve discovered many “stories” that I’ve believed to be true about myself that are not grounded in fact, but in a reworked version of the events as a means of accepting something horrible in order to get on with life. Those truths become secrets from ourselves.
I’ve discovered a few I’ve been keeping (so far). I’ll share a small one, just to test the waters for safety.
I am not a “night person”. I told myself I was for years. I believed I was and I behaved like one; staying up til the wee hours doing what could (or should) have been done during the day. I convinced myself it was my creative time. The only time I pursued certain creative outlets like drawing, painting and writing. Turns out it was the only time I was alone and felt safe enough to explore and express my creativity without judgement or put downs, or worse – competition!
It may not seem like a big secret to you but shining light on that truth has challenged me in a big way!! I just discovered this, with the help of an intuitive friend, and I’m just now trying to embrace this new truth. Maybe now that I’ve shared it “out loud” to you the lingering power will be diffused and I’ll feel total freedom to express my creativity in the daylight hours! The sunrise is SOO beautiful! I’ll awaken to it more often now!